last term was an experience. i had a difficult time during the second half of it, 10 weeks total. from the 5th week onward, it seemed like i would keep encountering things that slowly dragged me down, until both my schoolwork, social scenes, and the outside world snowballed around me. i thought i was just having a hard time.
but i was having a hard time finding reasons to go outside my room every day. smoke breaks had become one of the few things pulling me to go outside. at meals i would hope someone would seek me out and talk to me (eventually i would find people i barely knew and sit with them. i became fast acquaintances and friends with them soon enough!).
the last couple weeks were the worst. during dead week and finals, class schedules were mixed up, i was sick, i fell off the routine, and combined with everything around me, and this and that, it made me desperate.
i had never felt so bad in my entire life.
it was hard to think of reasons to keep going during the last week, hard to think of anything else except going to bed and not waking up. i scared myself a couple nights, real badly. i never want to do that again.
tonight, i remembered some of those reasons to keep going, and put down a few in my sketchbook. there are more, but these filled the page.
thank you for being my reasons.